How many times again?

I can't say I'm one of those highly cheerful people I know from work. Theres two kind-happy and deal with things (or appear to)well or the other-grumpy, complains, and doesn't deal with anything well at all..yup that's me. Every now and again I can be that first person but I find it very hard. Today is one of those days it is just a pipe dream. This week I had Bailey tested for mold. We found out that she has a high allergy to it. I now have two Dr's saying what we already know and are trying to do-move-. So far we haven't found nothing. This house is slowly killing us. That's what it feels like. In the 3 years we have been here each month gets worse and now I have more proof of that. It feels so awful to be so stuck. I want to try to rent something else and just give up on finding a house to buy. Everything feels so hopeless right now. Part of the other reason I feel so down is that Wayne is always gone working right now. This is the busy season for Wayne and we don't see him very often. When we do he sleeps nearly the whole time which is frustrating. He needs all the sleep he can get and I need help doing things I can't do and need him to do for me. It sucks so bad. I have been lucky in that Wayne's sister and husband have been able to help me for somethings. We would still be freezing had they not come over and yanked out the issue. I hate this house..I have been so down I have thought about taking my kids and going to stay with Vi..that's how bad things are. Mold, housing, health, lack of a partner. God it feels just like being a single mom with no benefits. Yup that's in there too, no sex. This time of year blows. I miss my kitty and hate that I always expect to see her still on my bed at night. I have even reached out to pet her. I hate that. I will never own another cat. Killian said he's getting a kitten for Christmas. I don't think so! So OK let me think of one good thing...hmmmm....no nothins comin to mind....hmmmm. OK I'll make something up..I have a roof over my head. I think that's kinda funny. It's a moldy roof but it's a roof non the less. A roof that is making us all sick but it's better then the homeless shelter...not really what I was lookin for but that's all I got in me...I'm going to bed...and have an awful night cause I can't take anything with Wayne gone and need something to help me sleep...well at least I have a bed to sleep in..right?

forgot

I was sitting on the couch and thought about this and I know that you were wondering about it-What does the surgery mean for Wayne's sleep apnea? Are we in the clear? At this time the answer is leaning towards no. We are at this moment in the same boat we were before. Maybe things are a hair bit better. Wayne is back out on the couch snoring away when he does fall asleep. He never has energy (neither do I really) because he never feels well because he never sleeps. All the same crap as before. We just keep hopping he will wake up each day. We had higher hopes about this surgery but we can't get to out of shape about it, there is still lots of healing time.
We are putting off looking for a home alittle longer in case I haven't mentioned that. Our real state agents 20yr old son passed away about 3 weeks ago. We are waiting for her to feel up to doing what she loves again and by giving her the much needed mourning time she needs-allows us to save more money. very sad :( life should improve right??

It never ends does it?

Wayne's surgery went well. It has been a very painful healing proccess for him unfortunitly. He said yesterday it hasn't seemed worth it because his nose it all plugged again where as of a few days ago after having the stuffing and stints taken out he was able to breathe better. He still has weeks of healing and all the crusts to come out. He still snores and has gotten to sleep in bed three times. Thats more then he has in months. I am not sure I can handle it. I was up early partly because of him and partly because killian thinks he should get up early on the weekends to play. Tomarrow he will sleep in. Man I hate that I wish the kid would just sleep in! I have put Bailey in preschool earlier then I thought I could. I had givin up her spot in the preK class because we didn't think we could afford her going what so ever. Then one day Wayne told me I could. She is unfortuntily in just the preschool class. She will still learn in this class it's just a day shorter and not with her classmates from last year. But she is out of my hair two times a week and likes going to see her friends as she tells me. I have no trouble this year with tears or anything. She goes in and up stairs without me. It's great! Thats about all my news. Not alot today..I guess I will go take a nap before mine and Killian's big mommy son date.

ya it's life

I am going to cram as much as I can in this as fast as I can cause I am tired and know I won't take the time to do this any time soon. So here it is-Wayne went to the ER last Saturday. His feet have been swelling everyday and his chest and one arm have started hurting. So off we went. He spent the night and had all kinds of heart tests done. The Eco came up with a slight heart defect. Nothing that at this time is a big deal and may never be. Wayne will have a stress test done sometime in the near future. In a little more then 2 weeks he will be getting surgery on his nose. We are both really excited for this. I am sure good things will happen because of this for him. We are now looking for a house to BUY! I hate house hunting. It's hard and takes forever. But I found one that I may be interested in. Getting Wayne to be able to see it is another story. It feels pointless to look right now because he is never in town to do a walk through. There are so few houses right now that we can go for (we even upped our price range by 40gs!!). I want this one to work so bad but if it doesn't I know it wasn't meant for us. There will be another somewhere in the future. This isn't the very last house after all! Second grade starts Tuesday for Killian. I am so happy! I hope he will be too. He gets to ride the bus again. He seems to think that's OK. I'm glad cause I really dislike driving him to school. It's just way to crazy! So that's it in a fast nutshell.

it's a real first!

This is the best blog yet-no bad news! We got the last of Killian's labs and there is nothing wrong.It doesn't explain the leg pains but at this point we don't have to worry about tumors or cancer. What a great relief that everything in his blood is clear as well. He is doing better this week by far. From the looks of it last week he was coming off of the one med (is this a repeat? I swear I should read my old blogs)and it was making him all whacked out. God am I glad that's over with. We had no idea that's what was happening. It was a awful week and I wondered if Killian was going to be the way he was acting forever. It wouldn't have been a good life. Bailey is jealous of Killian's pediasure. She likes it as much as he does. Shes mad cause those cases of it aren't for her! I think I could add more but my brain is shutting down. It's after 10 and I haven't gotten to see Wayne. He came home with a migraine before I got home from work and has bee asleep. I spose I get to sleep on the couch.I don't want him to move and I want to read my book. Poor Wayne. o.k I lied maybe that's a bit o bad news. But sooooo close to sooo close!

quick update

All but one lab has come in for Killian. So far all is good. He has been a nightmare this week. I don't feel near as bad about wanting to throttle the kid now. He has been eating really well. the pediasure is helping with calories that he needs. He loves the stuff. This is the second time in his life he has needed it. This poor kid isn't ever going to have to worry about being the tallest in class! Anyway at least I have that good news. Oh yes and we found out today we got approved for a home loan!!! I so can't wait to get the hell outta this rental house. Maybe allot of our health issues will clear up. Well I'm off to put a pillow over Wayne's face..we are watching t.v. while he SNORES.

Time after time

It seems life is going always be hard for my family. Medicly speaking. Monday Wayne had two Dr's apointments and Killian had one. Waynes first was with our family Dr who seems to not do a damned thing for him except up his blood pressure meds everytime. Wayne still has very bad headaches and can't take much more. We don't know why. Blood pressure was part of it. Stress of couse too . But there is something else going on and this Dr is not taking it seriously enough. We are changing Dr's next apointment. The second Dr was a ear nose and throat specailst. He says he can so help Wayne with his nose. He has a 90% succsess rate. Wayne will be able to breathe and stop snoring. He will be able to come back to bed!! The couch has been very hard on him. Nobody wants to sleep on the couch for months on end. Iv'e offered many times for a night but he always turns me down. The surgery will stop the sinus infextions as well. We knew it would but it was nice to hear that from the Dr as well. At least that was a good apointment! Wayne has to have a catscan at the end of the month to get insurance to approve the surgery. Silly expensive..The Dr does have to have that scan to see what hes looking at doing and how messed up my poor hubbys nose is. So awsome for Wayne to be so close to releif! I wish Killians apointment could have gone better. It was awful and I did alot of crying. We took him off one med altogther because he lost to much weight on it. We now think that wasn't the whole reason. Killian had xrys of his legs done for starters becuase they hurt so much and it isn't consistent with growing pains. It turns out that nothing is wrong that shows in the exray. I only know that already because I know the tech that took the pics. I am so releaved that nothing was wrong with his legs or hips. My friend was freakin out because it was so much radation for a little boy to get. She could not sheild any part of Killians body because the hips had to be done as well. She was able to get what she needed in 7 shots instead of 25. She told me there was noway she would do that many on him. Then Killian had his blood drawn. There are about 6 tests that are being done. We won't know those results for awhile. We had to go back today to have more blood drawn because there wasn't enough drawn for one of the tests. It didn't go over well with Killian but he got through it. Since he went off the one med it has been awful with him. It's awful no matter what we seem to do. he has been uncontroble for the last couple days. Very mouthy, disrespectul, can't keep hands to himself, and doesn't listen. Sounds like a normal kid thing huh?? But it's not the same with him right now. It has been so bad I am worried about my job. I have to take both kids with me. he goes out to the hall and screams. I am sure my job is fine but it freaks me out to no end. I don't know what to do. Either i'm crying because he looks like death or frustrated because hes out of control. Compacted with Waynes issues makes for a stressful life. The postive thing about Killian right now is that he has been eating the last two days. Something that was hard to get him to do. He would cry and get so mad for us making him eat meals. He has been playing outside as well, soemthing else I could not get him to do at home. If anyone has a child or friend with adhd please please take the warnings very seriouly about the meds they go on. It almost killed my son. whatever else is wrong with him wasn't helped with it but made something worse. There are other options that aren't stimulants and are also made for ADHD. killian looked so gaunt and colorless. He will always be on the small side but never looked like he does now. children should not have dark circles under their eyes and look like they should be in a wheel chair. My poor boy hurts when he runs to much..and thats not always alot. Did the med make this worse as well?? I hope to find the answer.