I am somewhat enjoying my new job. It is a little harder then I thought. Only because some kids are so rotten!! Even tho they are not with me for very long (thank god with some of them)They make it hard. But all and all I like working. I wouldn't mind a few more hours to get a bigger paycheck but what ive got is good too.
I am excited that being at the gym gives me a better chance to put Killian and Bailey in activities. Killian was going to do little kickers soccer. But it falls on our vacation. Now he wants to do gymnastics. The only problem with this is Bailey. If I have to take her with me there will be problems cause she wants to go too. It is to exspensive for both to go. At least right now. Maybe this fall. I don't know yet. I took her last year and she was awful. She loved it but didn't follow instructions. The teacher said she did very well regardless. At $10 a class I think just running around isn't worth it. At least for me!
I haven't talked to my grandma again as of yet. I am having a hard time with her dieing and it is just easier for me to stay away. I feel somewhat bad for that but if you had my family you'd understand. None of them are worth the spit on the sidewalk.
Wayne has been working long hours and has been so tired when he gets home. If he did not work these hours we wouldn't get to go on vacation. I still don't know where we are going. I know where I want to go but it seems I am alone on that. Even tho there is more then one place I would like to go. I really want to take the kids to the Portland zoo, or maybe to Silverwood. Why not both?? Wayne doesn't seem to share this feeling. So I have no idea where we are going excpet we need to decide soon. I am not sure that I am excited taking the kids anywhere we might have to "camp". Even tho last year was fun it was hard to. I don't really want a repeat. Oh theres the phone!

So much is going on today. I have been angry with Wayne. I need attention and am not getting it!! In any sort of way if you get what I mean. I will give him a little break cause he went crazy cleaning my kitchen. So that was really cool. It hasn't looked as good as it does the intire time we've been here. Wayne has also been working very hard. Every day this past week he has worked late. But I still have needs damn it!!
So I talked to my Aunt tonight about my grandma. My grandma has (also) bone cancer in her arm. Maybe I am not understanding something but to me it sounds like she has two differnt cancers. Is that possible? Maybe I am lost on the cancer thing all together. Anyway grandma isn't doing well. The stories I hear are heart breaking. She spent the night on the couch because she couldn't get up. The sad part is it wasn't laying on her back. She was stuck at a odd angle. She had had her legs up and just couldn't get off the couch again. Instead of calling out for her son that was there at the time she suffered till he got up the next morning.
I heard she fell in the shower and couldn't get out. My sister was visiting Sandpoint and went over to her house for a visit with her. They knocked on the house door and grandma didn't come. Luckly the door was open and Daurene went ahead and went in. She helped grandma out of the shower. This is what my Aunt said and I am sure there are details missing. I guess I won't know sense nobody else talks to me. I don't mind being out of the loop with the family except when it comes to health issues with the ones I love. I am deciding when to go to Sandpoint to see grandma.
Waynes dad we found out has prostate cancer. Lucky for Gale it is a stage 1 and is easly taken care of. He has options on the way it can be removed. So this is good. His life span will be the same as it always has.
Geneva is a loss. She makes me so mad. I am not the only one with these feelings either. None of us feel she takes good care of Gale. She still expects him to get a job!!!! I have told her she can work easier then he can. She won't. She is losing it once again. I hope my kids stay healthy cause I can't take them to work if they are sick and have to depend on Geneva to care for them for the 2 hours I am there. Reality has lost its grasp on this woman. Another thing that bothers me is when any of us try to talk to her about say Gale, she changes the subject and starts talking about the necklaces she is making and buying beads. WTF? To be fair, at one time long ago we did everything together. I spent alot of time with her. We shopped alot and did crafts. We were always doing something together. We had fun and enjoyed each others company. But somewhere along the way that stopped and she was lost in her own head. Sleep issues didn't help. Like really bad sleeping issues. I am just horrified about her actions or lack of these days. Her carpet is so soiled with animal pee. She doesn't hardly clean Gales sheets. And well she is just a pig. It's disgusting.
anyways I hear Wayne and need to play catch up. I am sure there will be something to write later!

So you I am sure read that I got a new job. I now work at my gym in the daucare area. It is fun but also very boring. It can be trying to. There are just some kids I would like to bend over my knee!! Killian loves going when he gets to. Part of the reason I took the job is because it's the hours that hes in school. It's only a couple of hours a day. And thats good for me. Bailey has love hate relationship with daycare. to get her in the door is a nightmare. She hides behind the door and won't come out unless I carry her in. I always have a ton of stuff in my hands of course. Then when we get in she crys and crys and has a tantrum. She gets over it quickly..most of the time. Today was not one of those days. She was awful for at least....well almost the whole time really! I was holding a baby and she wanted me holding her. But there were so many kids that baby Jada wanted me. I loved it of course. The baby even fell asleep in my arms. How could I not love that? Bailey calmed down a little and tried touching the baby and cooed at her. I had to tell her to do something else so she didn't wake her. The minute I went to lay that cute little baby down she woke up. I would have loved to hold her longer but it was time for me to go. I was also ready to choke her brother. He is a very angery kid. I understand his acting out cause his parents are going threw a divorce..but I still can't stand the kid..
Working in the morning has killed my workout times. I work during my favorite morning classes..ALL OF THEM! I have had to start taking the night classes and so far hate it. I don't even make it to most of them. Good thing my member ship is free now cause I hardly get to go these days! O.k. it's just been the last couple of weeks being I havent been working there any more then that. I do like it there I just don't have anyone to work out with now. My friend Jelena trys her best to go with me but has a hard time making it in the evenings. Same as me.
As you might have read on the one statement I made on facebook before I earased it, my grandma is dieing. She has for the second time breast cancer. Shes had it for awhile but it has at last taken its toll on her body. She has 5 months left of her 92 years of life. I don not think I will go to her funeral. I do not want to see my family. I dread the day I see any of their faces again. I feel such hate towards them. I start feeling really mean whenever I think of them. They are not a happy thought for me. I am sad I can't go to my grandmas funeral...or I guess won't..but the living make things worse.
I am so grumpy lately. I would like to go back on zyprexa, I surprise myself saying that. But I am not fine with out it like I thought I was. But the weight gain is just to awful. Yet without it I feel awful all the time. So grumpy..I am not sure what to do. I think I would rather live with the weight gain. But Wayne wouldn't. great suport I have here at home. I guess I will have to continue being torchered.