Well last night was the the first night I decided to try my Ambien again. It worked! Except this morning. I was awake but not awake. I was comfy laying in bed but couldn't go back to sleep. At least I was able to sleep last night. I didn't feel good so that was better that I slept through it. I am glad I got over whatever crud was going on with me cause today promises to be a fun day. I will post pictures (providing I take some) later. It's just a family thing (minus Wayne)at the expo center. The kids and I are going with a friend instead of Wayne. SHould be as fun as last year! Only I didn't have the kids alst year with me..oops..

I have not taken my sleeping/anxiety pills all week. Anxiety wise I am doing fine. Sleep wise things are sucking eggs. Last night Killian peed the bed at the wee hours of sleep and I could not get back to bed. I laid there for the rest of the night. My mind just goes and goes and goes. I am not to tired though. I would still like to sleep!!
I hate my car. now the one and only lock is failing me. I have twice now had to have someone else get it open. I only lock it now if I have to. hunk of shit..
At lease I guess it drives ok. It just has a exhaust leak, the trunk doesn't unlock (it has to be popped open from the inside), I can only unlock it from the drivers side, the pasenger window doesn't work (not a big deal but upsetting with everything else that doesnt work), the heater is going out (it works great when it works), the thing is old and ugly and needs a paint job badly (but why bother?)..but at least it drives good. It even goes forward now!! The guys fixed it so it no longer just drives in reverse..funny huh? I am so embarressed by this car that words can't explain. But at least it drives..God I miss my Yukon!!!
On the good side of things the family is doing fine. Bailey likes to tell us not to fart. Everything is cute and is a baby. Yesterday at Aunts house she was talking to some pretty balls that are in her bathroom for looks that it was alright baby. She is a funny girl. Everything is sooooo cute too. It's adorable when she says it. there is still alot we don't understand. Shes learning fast though. She is eating better now. If we add the word baby in front of a vegi she'll likely eat it. Love that one!
Killian is a handful and I don't see this trend stopping. I can't say how well he is doing in school. We went to a math Marti gras at his school last night and he didn't want to do any of the games just make the crowns and what not. He isn't good with math what so ever. I am worried he will be held back. I am sure he will.
He loves to sleep in his car bed upside down. Not sure why and it doesn't seem comfy what so ever. But that is the way he wants to sleep. Who am I to argue on that one?
Wayne is still working his ass off. Comes home grumpy to often. nuff said..
And well we know all about me. Heres what ive been doing as of late-still working on my huge crosstich prodject, scrapbooking, and of course bow making. Busy Busy Busy! Ok thats it for now. off to play!

well here it is 3 30 in the morning and I can't sleep. I did not take my medicine. I thought i would at least get 1 nights sleep. I would rather not sleep then gain any more weight. I wanted to be thin before I took my trip to Twin and before my nephews wedding. I have lost faith that that will happen. I am going to still work out and keep to my good eating habits. It will be hard I am sure but I will do it anyways. I am not sure what to tell the Dr beings Wayne won't let me go in cause we owe them so much money. Oh well....

I am grumpy as hell today. I have gained yet another pound. If this trend keeps up I am going to ask to be taken of my anxiety pill. This won't be good but I need to lose the weight I have gained. This stupid pill has had me gain18 pds!!! I am now at my pregnancy weight..thats a very very bad thing. I think it will be bad to go off this pill for my emotions but what else do I do?? 18 pds is alot to gain. I will have alot of bad nights. I can't sleep without it. But i'd rather not sleep then gain this damned weight. I work out faithfully. I should be losing weight. I am ready to give up all together. today I had a bad food day. I ate a whole thing of pudding then had three reeses. I will be good the rest of the week. I just had a downfall today.
I am having a hard time breathing because of the stress. Killian doesn't help. He back talks me and is being a pain in the ass. Don't get me wrong I love the little shit but I am tired of his mouth. I can't wait for those of you who have smaller kids to go threw the same thing..
Bailey has her moments too. It is very hard being calm. well i gotta pee. and Bailey is telling me to come on..no telling what the little turd wants.

So yesterday was tramatic for me. I got bitched out for nearly 2 hours about my diet. I hate to say but a person can not change their eating habits over night. I thought I had been doing good this week. Guess not so much. I was so upset that I was ready to quit the gym all togther. I don't need Hitler to act like a complete bitch. I can't take that. I took the day off today. I just couldn't do it. I am considering going in tomarrow. Tomarrow Wayne and I were going to go on a date. Something that never happens anymore. But it looks like there is no one to watch the kids so thats scratched. I think if we were going to go I wouldn't go to the gym. I have to think about it..
It's funny how one person can ruin a intire day.
On the good side of things Wayne and his brother in law and nephew figured out what is wrong with my pile of shit car. So it's looking like i'll be driving the hunk of junk again soon. I like driving it, it's just that I hate that I can only unlock the drivers side the one of the windows don't work, I can't unlock the trunk with the key, it's uglier then hell. I'll have to post a picture one of these days. going from a Yukon to this thing is awful. Theres nothing I can do about it. I shouldn't bitch cause it was free....but damn it I can't help it!!
well off to do Killians laundery..blahhh....I need cheered up...

I'm not going to write much here cause i'm new at this.
I had a bad day today. I worked out with hitler and she wasn't very nice. I got my ass chewed for an 1 1/2 for my eating habits. I was ready to go in to the bathroom and cry..Maybe I can't do this weight loss thing..