This weekend started off a little shakey. I thought I would enjoy the long weekend more then I did. Saturday I was in such a fowl mood. Killian did for the first time ever stay with grandma and grandpa over night. It was his first time away from us. He had a very good time. He went to Sunday school with them on Sunday. He really liked it. I am glad he did cause you won't catch me in a church so he now has someone to take him. This may turn into grandma taking him every weekend!! How lucky am I? I know in the past I have said she would never get him. But after cleaning her carpets and threatning to never let him stay there again if she doesn't take better care of her house, well I think it worked. Saturday before we arrived she shampooed where the cat barfed...7 times on the floor!! She wouldn't have done this before.
That night we were planning on going to the movies. We couldn't go to a late one because she had Bailey too and we had to pick her up after the movie. Well we missed the movie :(. Wayne wasn't feeling so hot and I was in a awful awful mood. I didn't want to really go anyway. Odd for me to not want to go to the movies. But Wayne didn't help my mood much. We ended up going to PF Changs. We haven't been there one single time since we've been here. Wayne was going to eat nothing but fried rice. I was ready to go somewhere else if that was the case. He didn't end up eating rice at all. It turned out to be a lovely dinner and my mood lifted. I made him understand what I am going through and he excepted what meds I may have to change to. Before he told me if I gained a bunch of weight he wouldn't stay with me. what an ass.
Saturday ended much better. Killian was still gone for a good part of Sunday. So we cleaned some of the house and cleaned out a tone of Killians toys. We threw away so much crap!! Lots went to good will also. Then we reranged his room. It looks so clean and with more space now to play...and make a mess..I am hopping today (Monday)we can work on Baileys room. She has alot of stuff we are storing in her room. It is a small room as is and that stuff makes it even smaller. It keeps us busy and away from the tv. I wish we would have had at least one good day this weekend to do something outside. Maybe next weekend will be better.
Killian has 2 weeks of school left then a few days after off we go to see my Aunt! I haven't seen her since 2002 or 03. Wayne and the kids have never met her. It is way past time. She now lives in Oak Harbor wa. Before it was Alaska. Also she is only 5 1/2 hours from us. yippeeeee!! I am so excited! She is the best! If there were one person I wish I was like it would be her.
So can someone please tell me your'e reading this stuff or should I stop writing?

I have been so depressed the last couple of weeks. I have givin up my diet. I keep telling myself I will get back on track this week. So far I haven't. I have been so grumpy. I really want to go back on Zyprexa but it just isn't going to happen. Maybe if I ever reach my 125 pd goal I will give it another whirl. I am not even close at this point.
I have been feeling so low about myself. The kids have been really getting on my nerves. I don't much care about working out but am trying to force myself to go anyway. I have done that well enough. I just don't see what good it is doing me. My diet needs an overhaul but I need help with that. I hate cooking and so fast things are the way I am still going. I always think eating fresh sounds so good..until I buy the stuff..So I am at a loss on what to do about it. Did I mention how much I hate cooking? I feel bad for Wayne. He works so hard and I can't even give him a good meal to come home to. I haven't found any recipes on weight watchers that I like. So that isn't helping. I get so sick of looking too. I used to look often and try new things all the time. I just don't care anymore....I hate cooking!!!
I haven't kept my house the way I used to when we lived in Twin. It was always clean and nice. I just can't keep up here and dont really care. Same with the yard. It is just to much. I can however get things done when the kids aren't here. But that happens pretty much never. So things stay in constant chaos.
I do however still like my job. It has been fun. I wish I could get some more hours. I have so many things and places I would like to go this summer. I just don't think I can pull it off. I will try though. Vacation next month has me very stressd. I don't see it being much of one. There just isn't really any money. I told Wayne we will have to use my eye fund I have been saving. This sadens me alot but I really want a vacation. I have half my money saved for my laser surgery. I was hoping to have it this year. I don't see that happening if we use it for vacation. Oh well. I don't know what to think. I am a little sad either way. I either get a nice vacation and no eyes or I get eyes and no vacation. I wouldn't care so much but wayne really deserves a vacation. I don't know...
Bailey is doing so good wearing her big girl panties out and about. She is wearing pullups only during sleeping hours! I am so proud of her. She only pees her pants if shes upset and crying. Thats only happened twice.
well off to work out even though I am not sure I want to.

I am now really enjoying my job. Even if there are a few kids (way more then I wish)that need spankins or lots of time outs I still am enjoying my job. Bailey not so much..she goes with me every single day. If grandma lived closer I would let her take her most of those days!! Killian gets to go once every 2 weeks. He loves going and gets upset when we have to leave. Last night when we went so I could work out we left after only 20 minutes of being there. Bailey would not calm down and screemed the whole time. I could hear her 2 rooms away. I hadn't been able to set up for pump class at that time so I went and hung out with her. She hang on to me for dear life. The 2 attendants that normally take her and hold her didn't bother this time. So I did what any mom would do, I left. On the way out I stopped to show the kids the rock wall room. They love looking in there. The guy running it talked me into trying it. I have always wanted to so I took the opportunity. The kids were allowed in there. That was okay with Bailey. She was willing to sit on the bench and watch her mom climb. I wish I would have had a camera. I made it a little more then half way before I had to call it quits. It's hard!! I did think I would do better then I did. I work out every week!! But alass it wasn't ment for me to finish this time. It was kind of fun anyhow!
Wayne bought us new bikes. They are very cool old style Schwinn bikes. I love them!! We have only had the chance to go out once on them. My wonderful Killian rode 2 miles on his little spider man bike!! He insisted on going that far. As luck would have it on the way back after the two miles we had just ridden I got a flat!! Not even hardly into the ride. Luckly Wayne and his sister rode that 2 miles as fast as they could back and got our trucks (her and her hubby bought new bikes along with us)to come and save us. Killian, "The Donald", and myself had a healthy walk to the road so they could find us. It was fine. We made it! Bailey was with Wayne in a seat for her on the back of his bike. She enjoyed the intire thing. I can't wait to go again!!