Not to much has been on. My mood has been pretty even and iv'e for the most part able to sleep. I do have a lack of energy that is getting on my last nerve. I hate being a couch potato. I do manage to not watch 10 billion movies a day but I don't want to do anything either. I would rather be this way then be put on meds that make me gain tons of weight and make me into a zombie. I have excepted my fate as a boring old fart who does nothing. Whitch brings me to my next subject-rebirth. Everyone knows I really have no belief system in god or any other higher power. Let me make this clear-I don't know if there is. I don't really wonder about it either. I don't think I even care. I have been called alot of things and so to keep your words from spilling out you now know...I just don't know and am not that curious. SO what does this have to do with rebirth? Ok well this subject I have been thinking about lately. You know the what if game. It has kept me entertained the past few days. I have it worked out who I am going to be, who I am going to be with (SINGLE!), where I am going to work, what kind of person, how many pets (NONE!), where I am going to live (high rise apartment in NY), the whole nine yards. My sister in law said I had to be married to Wayne cause thats the way it is. I guess if we married in this life we stay married in others. lol..we decided he could be the pool boy..HAHAHAHA sorry honey. I have decided to leave the domestic life to others and am going corporate. I'm not even going to own a car. I'll rich enough to higher taxis. lol..what a world in my head!! At least it has kept my brain alive cause I am slowly turning to jelly..it's been hanging around my waste line for some time and is entering my brain..I guess I have been listening to Killians songs and stories to much lately!
I still work out 4 times a week and enjoy it alot. I haven't lost any weight but have gained strenght. Not that I feel I could try to beat anyone up..or even manage a damaging blow. I wish I could. If Wayne wasn't around I would like to feel I could defend my family. I feel this more now because this week someone came on our property and stole some car parts that were up againest the house. We discovered this last night. Wayne sold the parts to a guy at work and discovered the stuff was missing. I hate the way it makes me feel knowing someone was here. Where they here while we were sleeping? Do they know how I go about my day? Or was it just fast luck that they got away with the goods while we were out. It just makes home a little scarier. I am always worried something will happen to me out here because Wayne would take hours to notice if he noticed at all. Thats also why I hate taking new meds cause Wayne wouldn't know I was laying there dead. He'd wake up in the morning leave for work and leave me dead with the kids. Awful thought I know. I would like to know who stole from us. I would like to break their knee caps. I am tired of people steeling from us. We don't have much so take what we do have? We struggle just like everybody else...or most..and then bastard comes and takes what they didn't earn. ass-holes..

Ok so today has gone better. Everyone got new clothes but me. No one wants to wait around while I try things on. So I didn't get to get anything. Oh well..

For some reason at dinner tonight underwear was the subject. We went to dinner with Waynes sister and brother in law. So this wasn't completly uncomfortable. Odd for dinner time chat though. lol. anyways now I feel like I must find a new brand of underwear cause mine were made fun of by WAYNE. I'm FAT nothing is going to look pretty on me!! I told him from now on I would wear nothing..there was no comment...Geeez it's not like I wear the huge silky granny panties..

Well i'm off to watch a movie..just had to share that. lol

Well I thought I would be ok off my zyprexa. As it is turning out I am not. Nothing just rolls off my back now. I want to cry over everything. I am not a strong person right now. But I refuse to go back on it. The weight gain from it is to much. I don't want to try anything else either. I know if I went in right now hed change my other med to. I don't want that to happen either so I will stay the mess that I am.
I am so tired of this place. I hate this house we live in and pretty much my intire life right now. This house will never be home. I miss my house so much in Twin. I never wanted to sell it. It was small for us but it was home. I had friends too. I know one person here. Not that I get alot to meet anyone.
On the upper side of things we will be paying off a bunch of my medical bills. So thats a plus. my wedding ring will at last be fixed and I can put it on my finger once again. All the diamonds are loose and it's $200 to fix it. I am so happy that will be taken care of. It's been months sence I have gotten to wear it.
ok thats it for now. I guess I'm off to go do bills..yippy..