hmmmph

I can't even remember half the stuff that's happened anymore. My brain has become so foggy. I can say that things with Wayne don't seem to be improving. hes supposed to go and get a new mask for his cpap machine because the other one isn't working for him at all. It's to bad. They want to put him on some kind of medicine that can only be taken if he can where the mask all night other wise it can cause death. I don't know what it's for but I don't want him to take it. We are worried he may not get to his nose fixed. it has to be done. He is going to apply for another job June. If he gets the job he can't do the surgery. He is upset about it. and he should be. He may never return to our bed :(. As for me I have my own issues still. I have been very tired. i am going to have blood work done to see if I am low on anything and to make sure my liver and kidneys are working right. I have been so tired I have gone to bed every night this week. I have a feeling tonight will be no exception. This does worry me. We have not been meeting goals we have set for each payday and it upsets me. But there isn't really anything that can be done. Killian was in the ER yesterday. we thought he had a concussion from an injury at school on Monday. They went as far as a CT scan because he was very lethargic. He hardly responded to getting needles and blood draws. The only thing that upset him was when they stood him up to try to get him to pee. It turned out his blood sugar was at 50. It's supposed to at least be 80. He hasn't been eating well cause of his medicine. He was also dehydrated. The CT scan showed a sinus infection. After some IV fluids and glucose he perked right up. we were able to leave around noon. It was such a long morning. Lots of tears for me. I have never seen Killian so weak. He drifted in and out most of the time. Bailey has been doing well. Her own problems are doing better even though she still has a few stomach aches. Life seems to always be hard and it's hard to look on the bright side. I am thankful I now have a car that is nice and runs. I do wish I could ride my bike to work. We don't live far but I can't do it. Gas is so horrible right now! Dip shits that make all us suffer for the $ in their pocket. Thanks Mr. President for helping out the people. I would like to know what good hes actually done. I say vote him out of office. I wonder if that can be done?? Any ways that is the life of Star for now. I promise one day i will write everything good!

I am getting so frustrated. I am tired of feeling more like Wayne's roommate. We don't sleep together..in ANYWAY. The kids drive me insane. Killian is doing great on his meds I do have to report. With out them He is uncontrollably bouncing off the walls. Bailey is Bailey. A little girl who throws BIG fits. Yesterday at work she was so upset at me for leaving her in the daycare room (to go get a mama who had a pee pee girl)the class in the studio (yoga of course) could hear her!! Lucky I hope maybe just the mama I was looking for. GRRRRRRRRRR. I need a small vacation on my own again. I am not really sure whered I'd go. Last year I went to Sand point to visit my Grandma. Now that she is gone I'm not sure what to do. Twin sounds o.k. except that is so far away. We will be going sometime in the near future but I will not get to really visit. Sucha shame, I really miss my friends there. It's so funny that I wanted to move so badly from there and now I just miss my friends so awful much. I did hate Twin Falls though. It felt so "toxic" to me. But I miss our house that was in Kimberly. It doesn't matter that it was to small. I loved it. We had everything painted and a new kitchen along with an additional living room. A shop for Wayne to dink around in. He is now talking about selling all his stuff because he doesn't feel he will ever get to use it again. I tell him no please don't do that someday we will have a house again with a shop. There is noway to replace those very expensive things.
He is hoping this summer to find a job in Spokane (lord I hope I'm not repeating myself a whole bunch!). It is very nice there but the winters suck. There is plenty more to do and much better shopping (like I need that right?). As far as his health I don't know what will happen. I worry about me as well. With the Dr saying again it is possible I have been misdiagnosed it's going to be a long road and I will always need a Dr and they cost allot! Up to $300 a session. With insurance it's just a copay. I'd have to go to the nut house other wise just cause I can't afford to go other wise!
I am sorry to say that the cat is for sure not going with us the next time we move. It has been a hard decision but this week I have made my mind up for sure. It has been a good 7 years with her (minus the barfing she does. She has begun to barf nearly everyday. I have watched this for awhile now but it is getting worse and I just can't listen to it anymore. The many things she has ruined because she throws up on it. Every night being woke up to her barfing or trying. All the sneezing she does. She wheezes and that is sounding worse. I can't afford a vet just yet but as soon as I can she is going..and most likely not coming back with me. I hope the kids will be o.k. she has grown up with Killian. I got her when I was pregnant with him. They are 5 months apart. I after this cat though will NEVER own another one. I always pick bad ones. Keep your fingers crossed for us that our luck will be as good as I hope it will!

just plain out tired

There has been so much I should be writing, or should have. Iv'e been so tired and haven't had the mind to sit and talk about anything.
I got a new car at last! it was so needed. I think I wrote about that. I never read my posts so tend to forget what ive said! So I will tell you I am still loving the car that iv'e had for less then a month.
Waynes health hasn't been the best still. The cpap machine isn't working that great. It lays on his nose making his nose hurt very bad. It doesn't matter what what type of thing he gets for for his mouth they all somehow lay on the nose. Wayne can't handle anything on his nose. He is able to wear it for a few hours but then has to give up on it. It isn't working and Wayne is going to stop wearing it after his next check up. That means we are back to square one. He doesn't care if something happens to him he isn't going to use the cpap machine. I can't make him.
He is back out on the couch. He got sleep in bed for two nights and I ended up on the couch. Wayne is shooting for having his nose fixed. we planned on that anyway. What worries me is he talks about having part of his palet removed to makeroom for his tongue. I doubt the Dr. will agree to this. I sorta hope he does. I can't imagine the pain he would be in.

whoop whoop

This weekend I got a car!! A Pontiac grandprix. I so love it!! It is great to at last have a car of my own. Very happy!
We were sooooo lazy about getting up Saturday morning. I had hoped to get up and out by 10. After the long long week we all wanted to sleep in. Ok well me and Wayne..so we did. It was after noon by the time we left. We stopped at one car lot and looked at one car. I test drove it without Wayne and the kids just the car salesman. It was great so BAM sold!! WE were the first ones to buy a car that day so they dropped the price by allot. It took no time at all and I drove away in my new pretty car. This is making life so much easier again! Have you ever had one car for two people that have two different days? It doesn't work!!! This week I have a crazy ass work schedule so it wouldn't have worked. Granted Wayne is the bread winner. I can not be a let down to my own job and kids. And now I have a car payment I get to make! Work I must work I must. It's all good I like my job!

O.k. Everyone we are going car shopping again this weekend. This one truck thing isn't working what soever. So once again we for sure are going Saturday to look for a car. I hope we find one except the thought alone tires me out.
I am so tired from what has been such a long week. So many Dr's visits and errands. The truck is such a gas hog and all this running around is killing me! I'll not complain though because my brain is to tired to think about such things that annoy me. So Instead I am off to do mindless laundry.

Stupid cars

So this weekend A second tire on the van went flat. Sitting there all by itself. Now Waynes truck got a big ol chip in the windsheild as I was driving down the highway behind a big ol rock truck. He already said about the second flat tire "what the hell did you run over!" ummmmm I haven't because IT'S NOT DRIVABLE. The damned thing would have gone flat before this weekend had I ran over something!!! Come close to me and i'll castrate you >:( for that comment!! Anyway so now that thats been blaimed one me I am waiting for something to be said about the chip in the truck..Anybody need a weenie and to golf balls??
We found a great car this weekend that would have been so nice to have..as we all know there is that one thing we just can't afford the payments on..to bad it had to be this. The payments would have still been good but not good enough for us. We decided on what we would pay and not 1 penny over. Even telling the car sales men this. God there annoying. And by the way asshole my mouth isn't on my boobs!! I had a hoodie on not like they were out there! uggg..Car sales men are a pain..and the next guy who only looks at my husband as if he is the only one buying the car is going to find out what it's like to live under a cactus. Hellooooooo it's me you have to sell to!! The man is just for decoration! ok and his credit score..but still! when a woman walks on the lot with the man the car is most likely going to be either for her or ummmmfor her..so next time look at me first ok?? I will give the first lot we test drove some points in that they weren't so bad except the boob thing..where this is going in the end is no car for star and more thought on hiring a driver.

been forever!

So sorry everyone for not blogging IN forever. I couldn't remember my blog stuff because our computer crashed with all my sites and favorite's. Alot as some of you know has happened.I think I've lost my mind in all thats gone on.
Bailey has had tummy problems which we thought we had fixed. Lately though she is having issues again. We are adding more better foods to her diet. I think it's going well. As of this week we are switching to organic milk. I hate the cost of it!
Wayne now sleeps on the couch because of his snoring. I made him go to the Dr because it was bad! One of us had to sleep on the couch so he decided he would stay out there because other wise I end up out there. He did two sleep studies. He has so many issues. Some from the snoring some He already had. He will getting his nose operated on as well. He has so many sinus infections and can't breathe. we are keeping our fingers crossed this will help some of his issues. Theres just ta many to list. He does have sleep apnea and it's not good. He has whats called rem syndrome. It's rare and if not taken care of is fatal. he never goes into rem sleep. His body uses all it's glucose trying to sleep. he craves lots sugar because of this so he gets up at night and eats tons of crap. He has gained alot of weight and is now working on getting the pounds off. He will be on a cpap machine very soon and will be back in bed where he belongs. I get the job of making sure he is still breathing whenever I get up. Keep your fingers crossed for us!!
Killian was diagnosed with adhd and this has been difficult. He is ever so emotional right now. It is awful.
As for me I am just losing my mind. Nothing new there.
Our family has been through so much this year already. This week (as I know youv'e read) The van is now unusable and we will be at last looking for a car for me this weekend. I am nervous about this and get the bad feeling I won't be getting one. Iwas positive when i wrote the I am lucky post and I truly was that day. It freaks me the hell out thinking that something could have so easly could have happened while Bailey and I were out doing errands. That tire should have given out while we were out on the highway. We were so lucky it went flat (the tire was more rotten then we knew) when the kids and I were leaving work. And very lucky that we had family close by to help. Wayne was out of town. It was a cold night and we couldn't have walked home. I really hope we can get a good car at what we can afford. Again keep your fingers crossed!!